Things I will miss...

I have been going through things here. Trying to make a space for Emma in what was Grandmas's room... trying to find my office under the boxes of things I came home from the funeral with. It is slow work. I get heartsick looking at her precious things... but I have found some wonderful gems too. This was an email she sent me when Rob and I were struggling with the job he had at the time. I loved the encouragement and direction she so lovingly gave. I will miss it.

Have you ever heard the saying, “Life is hard, and then we die.” It is sort of a joke, like “Stuff Happens!” (my version) but not a joke at all. Because life is hard and bad stuff does happen. I was reading a book which is serialized in the LDS magazine, Meridian ( http://www.ldsmag.com/ ) called The Peacegiver. Rick is complaining about the difficulties he has with his wife and how it is her fault. His grandfather comes sort of like in a dream and teaches him about sin and unforgiveness and other things which are causing his problems and how he might save himself through Christ’s atonement. Grandfather speaks of Adam and Eve and how when confronted by the Lord, they blamed others (Adam blames Eve, Eve blames the serpent). Then the Lord sent them out into the lone and dreary world. “And then,” his grandfather continued, “remember what the Lord did next: He cursed the ground ‘for their sake' and ‘greatly multiplied' their sorrow in bringing forth children. That is, he banished them to an earth where everything would be difficult—a curse that was ‘for their own good' since the sheer difficulty of life would push them to look heavenward for help even in the midst of their sins, every such approach to the Lord providing them an opportunity to be saved from their captivity in sin.” I know that this life is difficult and, when I let myself , I worry and wonder about which difficulties my children and grandchildren will face.

In my own family some of the trials that have come to us are: My mother’s mother died when mom was two. My father lost his mother at age 11. His brother died young and his father never accepted my dad as being as good as his brother (you can’t compete with the dead). He broke wild horses for spending money and had worked long and hard at difficult jobs. He was a miner as a young man, followed his own father into the mines. He broke his back, or badly damaged it, several times and lived most of his life with pain. He was drafted into the army when his wife was expecting her fourth baby and while he was gone, I was blinded in my left eye by a dart thrown by a cousin. I had rheumatic fever at 13, they thought at first it was polio and I was in isolation. My mother couldn’t even come in the room. I remember reaching out my arms and crying for her. My sister Alynn’s first baby was stillborn at birth, carried him the full nine months, then went home from the hospital with empty arms. Craig’s eldest son died at 11 from cancer, after a valiant, even inspiring, struggle to live a normal life. There has been death, disease, mental illness, divorce, etc. ad infinitum. Sometimes life is referred to as this “vale of tears,” nevertheless there is much of love, beauty, courage, selflessness, and always above all our Father’s love and his willingness to reach out and help us, either to remove our trials or to make us strong enough to bear them. When I was going through my divorce I was impressed to pray for my adversary (who was my husband). I don’t know if my prayers helped him, but I know they helped me.

Have you had a chance to go up to Mesa to the temple? I went to a presentation yesterday by a man speaking about what is at the core of quality teaching. He mentioned three things: besides correct principles and replenishing our own “buckets,” he gave first emphasis to the Spirit. Seeking the Spirit to help us in our teaching (or whatever work we are doing). He told of when John A Widstoe was having a difficult problem figuring out something about soil moisture. He had been puzzling and studying and meditating on this problem for some time. He went to the temple and there while serving in the temple and in the quiet and peace, it suddenly came to him. The answer to his soil moisture problem. He later bore witness that if the Lord can help us with an earthly issue like soil moisture, how he can help us with any and all of our problems. He is there for us. His arms are stretched out still. He knows all the answers, whether about soil moisture or about human relationships. I’m not saying if you pray for *name changed to protect the not so innocent*, he will suddenly become a human being instead of a jerk. I’m not saying things will change at work. But I am saying that God can and will help you. How he will help you, when he will help you, I don’t know but I do know that if you do all you can do, Jesus Christ will do the rest. That is part of the Atonement. It is so hard while we are going through these difficulties. We don’t see an end. We get discouraged and question our abilities and worth. Do not let that old trick and tool of the Devil get you down. Read your Patriarchal Blessing, search the scriptures for answers, read the hymns:

Be still, my soul:

The Lord is on thy side

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change

He faithful will remain.

Be still my soul:

thy best, thy heavenly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul:

thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still my soul:

the waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul:

the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul:

When change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Sometimes we have to ask ourselves, what is the worst that can happen. We could lose our job or we could keep it. If we lose it, then what, if we keep it then what. Sometimes the things I’ve thought were the worst thing that could happen have actually turned out to be for my eventual best good, with blessings unthought of coming out of what I thought was the worst thing that could have happened. Have faith in the Lord. He knows you and he loves you. We may say “ How long, O Lord, shall we suffer these wrongs and oppressions.” But He says, “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but for a small moment; and then if thou endure it well God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes...and the things which they are willing to bring upon others, and love to have others suffer, may come upon themselves to the very uttermost.” “If thou art called to pass through tribulation...if thou are accused with all manner of false accusations...know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good...Fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

Love, Mother